Newsletter
LONELINESS VS SOLITUDE
Have you ever heard the expression…”It’s lonely at the top?”
Go to your favorite bookstore … check out the phrase on your search engine … or reflect on some of the biographies you’ve read or heard about, and I have no doubt that you will see this theme conveyed in a variety of vivid descriptions. The dangers of power, fame and wealth are often highlighted as the causes for the loneliness of the man or woman who has reached the zenith of a lifelong career.
But, what about the other two portions of the “achievement spectrum?” Is it also lonely at the bottom or lonely in the middle? And, if so, is it the lack of power, fame or wealth that cause the seasons of despair or indifference?
Perhaps, these are statements and questions better addressed by a psychiatrist or a philosopher, neither of which I claim to be, but I’m an older man now, who has both encountered and been befriended by those who are all over the landscape of loneliness. I grew up as an only child and was the son of an only child, so I’ve experienced my fair share of loneliness. Yet, most of my life endeavors … sports … work … ministry … and organizational leadership have caused me to be surrounded by and engaged with people. So, here are a few of my observations on loneliness:
- Loneliness has been part of the human condition since creation, however one defines creation, and those who believe in the Genesis account know that God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Gen. 2:18
- Neither wealth, fame, power nor wisdom solve the dilemma of loneliness. As Blaise Pascal wrote, “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus.”
- Sometimes we need to see God in the flesh. This is one reason He became incarnate. This is also the reason that we need to reflect the love of God to everyone we encounter. We may be the flesh they need to see.
- There’s a big difference between loneliness and solitude. “Language … has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.” Paul Tillich
- Art, music, theater (stage and cinema) and literature are outlets for the expression of loneliness and antidotes for the feeling.
- At the human level, nothing takes the place of a friend who will listen, speak or just be present when you need to escape loneliness, even if for only a short while.
These are the reflections of your TargetOne Coach. If you need a friend, give me a call.
Friends,
Ron Doyle
DEALER IN WORDS
Sometimes I see or hear something that so resonates in my soul that it can’t be dispelled. Such is the case with a Rudyard Kipling quote I encountered the other day. How does it hit you?
“I am by nature a dealer in words, and words are the most powerful drug known to humanity.”
I want to explore, just for a minute, the power of words in your life, your business and your relationships. Have you ever had one of those moments when you said something to someone and just as the words were leaving your mouth, you began to wish that you had never verbalized that thought? Or, on the other side of the coin, have you let a moment pass when you failed to say something that could have breathed life into someone?
Over the years, I’ve heard countless numbers of men say, “I wish my father had told me that he loved me.” Employees have confided in me that they wished their boss could balance their high level of criticism with an equal amount of encouragement. And, surprisingly, I’ve discovered that an increasingly high number of people, some successful, but more not so successful, engage in self-talk that is down-right damning to their mind and spirit.
With a word, a teacher or coach can inspire the efforts of a student or athlete … Excellent … Outstanding … Brilliant. In like manor, the same teacher or coach can crush the motivation and efforts of a youngster with Lazy … No good … Worthless. What makes the difference? The words … and the way that they are delivered.
At TargetOne Coaching, I’ve been employing the traffic light as a metaphor for knowing when to speak, when to pause and when to stop and be quiet. The very act of imagining a traffic light in front of you before responding to or initiating a comment to someone has proved very helpful to a number of my clients. For those who have been battling their own self-talk, I’ve suggested a simple but effective book entitled Headtrash by Squillaro and Thomas.
Proverbs 18:21 says it this way, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
You have the opportunity to prescribe a powerful drug today … SPEAK LIFE … to yourself, to your business associates and to those around you.
Friends,
Ron Doyle
TARGET PRACTICE
I had an interesting collection of childhood heroes as a young boy, growing up in what is now called the “Old Northeast” section of St. Petersburg, Fl. My real-life idols were Mickey Mantle, Johnny Unitas and Bob Cousy, depending on the sport season of the year. My film heroes were Roy Rogers, John Wayne and Fred Astaire (yes, I loved motion picture musicals). But, my fictional fascination centered around any fast gunslinger from the wild west, Tarzan of the jungle and Robin Hood of Sherwood Forest.
What an assortment, huh? To say the least, I was moved by the moment. If I was climbing trees by myself, I was the King of the Jungle. If I was watching baseball with my Dad, I was ready to go outside and practice my switch-hitting like “the Mick.” If I was hanging with my buddies, I was an Army soldier like “the Duke”, or I was making behind-the-back passes on the basketball court like “The Cooz.”
Fred Astaire??? Ok, so I had a childhood friend named Susan who was a few years older than me, and when she was learning to dance, she needed a male partner, so guess who got the nod.
So, what does all of this have to do with the first newsletter/blog I’ve written since starting TargetOne Coaching in January, 2012? Simply this …
Whether you are shooting an imaginary gun or passing a real basketball. Whether you are swinging from tree limb to tree limb, or swinging a bat at a ball. Whether you are practicing the jitterbug or aiming your bow and arrow …
YOU BETTER HAVE A TARGET AND YOU BETTER PRACTICE HITTING THAT TARGET!
And, this will be theme of my writing. I’m going to write about staying on target with business practices … human relations … personal experiences … and the spiritual journey of life. I’m going to write from a Christian worldview, but I’m going to work at not sounding religious. I’m going to draw from my own life experiences and from those of others I’ve known, directly or indirectly (interpret that to mean people I’ve read or heard about).
I want to invite you to join me in these periodic sojourns. They won’t be daily or weekly. They will only occur when I’m so inclined to write. Should you receive this invitation and not want to participate, please feel free to unsubscribe. Should you enjoy what you read, feel free to pass along to others.
For now, let me extend a word of warmth for you on a cold winter’s day. May the Lord bless you and keep you today!
Friends,
Ron Doyle